


With Arms Wide Open

by Lostcauseinorbit



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst, Comedy, Eventual Relationships, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19801213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostcauseinorbit/pseuds/Lostcauseinorbit
Summary: Chapter IV Summary:Kara got scared she had crossed a boundary with Lena but then her eyes zeroed comically on Lena’s extended finger which was carefully pushing Kara’s glasses up the bridge of her nose.“It’s okay” Lena whispered---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





	1. Chapter I: Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> Hello People in Orbit!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this story, I like to write my stories while listening to some music, so this time i chose Fragile by Sting (same title as the chapter) I apologize for any grammatical errors as well. 
> 
> Over and Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Er....would you...would you like to have dinner with me?"- she asked while her cheeks acquired a rosy color.  
> Lena almost laughed because that was truly the most ironic yet unexpected thing she thought could happen.- "What?"  
> Kara nodded eagerly- "yeah...I...er...I heard you and Kara Danvers have brunches...."-   
> Lena blinked again. She was trying to think why would Kara want to have dinner with her as Supergirl, wasn’t troublesome enough for her to pretend during lunch and game nights? Why would she put both of them in that tortuous situation? Unless…her paranoia kicked in, maybe there was an ulterior motive after all. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. Now she was mad and curious.-" yeah...we do...she told you that?"  
> The super smiled and nodded- "actually she suggested we do...er...have dinner together...from time to time..."- Kara said and Lena looked at her dumbfounded again. Just, what was Kara/Supergirl doing here?  
> "And may I ask, why?"-Lena said.-" Why do you want to have dinner with me?"  
> "Why not?"- Kara asked and Lena was now mad at herself, she had spent so much time with Kara that her witty answers had rubbed off on the reporter/hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello People in Orbit!  
> My previous post had some formatting inconsistencies, now that's fixed! Thank you for letting me know!   
> Happy reading!  
> Over and Out!

_Lena knew the truth but she didn't tell her she knew._

Yes, it was a way to test Kara, how long would she wait?

Yes, it was hope that she wouldn't wait that long.

And...yes, it was so she could remain mad at her, as time passed by.

The last reason was outshining all her efforts to not act as a true Luthor. But she was so hurt she threw caution to the wind. She didn't care anymore.

So time passed by. Kara kept pretending. Everything resumed as if nothing happened. Lena kept going to their usual game nights, James started asking her out again and Kara seemed to want to have lunch with her every single day. Which Lena found odd. But she didn’t stop her, after all she was waiting for a truth that she started to believe would never come out.

Alex seemed to call her too, she offered to teach her how to shoot, even went as far as to try to teach her some sparring on the weekends, which Lena promptly declined, telling her she was busy with work. Which was in fact true, she had come to the conclusion that she had to make fundamental changes with her life, and her decision involved the future of LCorp as well.

Lena didn't understand why the people who pretended to be her friends were attentive all of a sudden. Even Brainy that was usually more humanoid than human, asked her if he could work with her at LCorp from time to time. Provided she gave him a position as an analyst, which she would have done if everything would not be as messed up as it was.

All in all, Lena concluded that they were acting this way out of pity, because they knew she had killed Lex. Probably, they also realized, she had killed him so he would stop hurting people, but mainly because if he was still alive she was sure he could have managed to kill Supergirl…eventually. Because he was a mad-man yes, but he was a genius who had the experience of battling one kryptonian already. So realistically, Lena thought he could have killed Supergirl if she wouldn't have been on her side, and maybe that's why Lex's respect for Lena's intellect and maybe love, became hate. He couldn't turn her to his side, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much she knew he cared for her in his own wicked way.

Maybe knowing that he cared for her at some point, was the reason why killing him hurt so deeply, even though he ended up hurting her more just before he died. Maybe that was why, her jarred psychology, still justified Lex's actions, that he did all of this because he wanted to bring her over to his side. That he had known all this time he was losing his sister to a super and he couldn't allow it. After all, he had lost his freedom to a super, from Lex's perspective, losing Lena to her relationship with Supergirl would be the utmost betrayal. It was probably borderline unforgivable, enough to drive him mad again. So he reacted and tried to get Lena to work with him, and managed that partially. Yet, his ego and delusion to become the man of tomorrow, earth’s savior, made him as predictable as always. Allowing her to see past his twisted way of “presumably” caring for her and she was able to predict his last move, but this time she didn't let him go, she straight off killed him. Maybe that was his plan too, she didn’t rule it out yet, after all…Lex was a mastermind of thinking many steps ahead.

Lena sighed and wiped the tears from her face. It felt as if it was her fault. Intellectually she knew it wasn't, Lex was a real version of those villains from the comics, always trying to conquer the world, hard luck that a solar powered alien was always there to stop him.

“Not anymore though”- Lena said to herself sinking more in her couch and chugging down the remaining scotch in her glass.- “Not anymore”- she repeated trying for the nth time to get it in her head that it was not her fault. But the attempts kept proving extremely difficult.

Lex was a narcissistic bastard and Lena was the closest person similar to him, that it was hard for her not to believe that he loved her as pure extension of his narcissism. It was probably not the right way to care or love someone, but for Lena that had been enough. From a young age, everyone who cared for her went away or died, so she would take what Lex would give her.

So she learnt to love Lex…and she had killed him.

She sighed while more tears rolled down her cheeks- “I'm sorry”- she whispered. Unsure if it was apologizing to herself for being just so set on criticizing her own actions, or if she was apologizing to Lex as well. She sighed, deciding she needed another glass of scotch, she was about to reach for the bottle when she was startled by the sound of boots on her balcony.

_Supergirl_

Kara Danvers was there, her cape floating behind her so smoothly that it looked as it if it were static midair. Lena quickly composed herself, she didn’t want to show her more vulnerability, she felt she was almost naked in front of her.

“To what do I owe this surprise Supergirl?”- she said trying to sound as casual as possible. Even though she felt anger rising in her chest. Every time she saw her, every moment she spent with her, already knowing the truth just fueled her anger and she wasn’t stopping it as she should.

The super’s cheeks went slightly red, which reminded Lena of Kara...and she felt angry and stupid at the same time. There were so much similarities right in front of her and yet...she chose not to see it.

_You chose not to see it._ Lex’s words rang through her ears along with the gun shot.

Lena jumped up, and shook her head trying her best to remain calm. But Kara picked up her heart rate, and super sped towards her.

Lena blinked surprised, without a warning the super had embraced her, and she tried to push her away, but found her arms trapped between immovable steel arms. Kara’s arms surrounded her body tightly and pressed Lena against her torso. As if silently telling her to stay there.

"What....why" -Lena whispered. She had been pretending she didn’t know Kara's secret identity, she had acted as she usually did, but she had kept her distance. She avoided most of the physical contact Kara and she normally had. So the hug felt as if Kara had missed it too.

"Why are you hugging me? "- Lena finally asked. Because Kara Danvers hugged her often, Supergirl never did. Something had changed.

"Because I never said thank you"- Kara said without breaking the embrace- "you...you actually saved us all...by...by killing...him"- she didn't say his name as if to spare Lena the pain. Which Lena tried not to appreciate but she did anyways. Her resolute coldness weakened by the two glasses of scotch she had literally chugged in minutes before.

"I'm sorry for the pain all of this is causing you...for not being strong enough to have dealt with him myself...I"- Kara leaned backwards a little so she could look at her and Lena held her breath. Blue eyes, piercing blue eyes looked at her with hurt and full of hope that Lena had to fight really _really_ hard to not sink in Kara's arms by default.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you better"- Kara whispered and tightened her embrace. Lena closed her eyes, she felt the lump that was forming in her throat growing tenfold and tears started to fight their way out of her eyelashes. So when she felt Kara lose the embrace, she stepped back and observed the blonde.

The super looked sad, she was suddenly looking at the floor while taking deep breaths as if trying to put together an idea that was harder to figure out than a 100 piece puzzle.

"There was nothing to protect supergirl, he was a madman, someone would end up killing him one way or another..."- Lena said, her voice barely a whisper. Kara looked truly affected by the events, but Lena wouldn’t spare her.- “Your duty was never to protect me, you don’t have to"- she added.

"Of course it was! I have to! "- Kara exclaimed and looked at her alarmed.

"Rao, Lena…you shouldn’t had to…I"– Kara sighed and stepped forward again, for some reason she seemed to want to break Lena’s personal space. The brunette simply stepped back because having the blonde so close to her as Supergirl was making it harder to think.

"You are...you are important to me Lena, you truly are..."-Kara said holding her gaze.

And for a micro-second Lena believed her. "Why is it so important for you to be my friend?"- she asked.

Kara stepped forward again and Lena couldn’t move, too focused on her answer, her bodies were almost flushed against each other. Kara took her hands in hers-"because you are worth it..."- she said plain and simple, and looked at her.- "and…I thought...I thought we were friends now...aren't we?"- she asked, looking directly in her eyes.

Lena tilted her head, processing the words and registering the closeness of the super. One thing was to be used to Kara's need for physical contact other was to suddenly get used to Supergirl's breach of her personal space. She still saw them as two different people. But Kara seemed to not want that anymore. Lena did her best to concentrate on their conversation rather than trying to answer her inner reasoning. "We...are...a good team"-she ended up blurting out even though she really wished she could have said no, we are not friends.

At that Kara raised an eyebrow- "I...I thought you were not still mad at me..."- she said looking truly sad, her lower lip trembling in all its gloriousness, and Lena hated her for it, because now that she knew she was Kara she could recognize the sad pout and it was really unfair to her anger.

Now she wanted to shout at Kara and tell her _No! You have no right to pout! No! When you have hurt me!_

So she stepped back one more time and turned so her back was facing the super. Her anger came back to normal levels once she was not dangerously close to Kara and the damned pout.- "What is it you need Supergirl?"- she asked trying to deflect her.

Kara relented, but seemed to keep wanting to be close to her because she reached for her hand and pulled, making her turn again. Lena sighed defeated, now instead of the pout the super was donning a soft smile- "Er....would you...would you like to have dinner with me?"- she asked while her cheeks acquired a rosy color.

Lena almost laughed because that was truly the most ironic yet unexpected thing she thought could happen.- "What?"

Kara nodded eagerly- "yeah...I...er...I heard you and Kara Danvers have brunches...."-

Lena blinked again. She was trying to think why would Kara want to have dinner with her as Supergirl, wasn’t troublesome enough for her to pretend during lunch and game nights? Why would she put both of them in that tortuous situation? Unless…her paranoia kicked in, maybe there was an _ulterior_ motive after all. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. Now she was mad and _curious_.-" yeah...we do...she told you that?"

The super smiled and nodded- "actually she suggested we do...er...have dinner together...from time to time..."- Kara said and Lena looked at her dumbfounded again. Just, _what was Kara/Supergirl doing here?_

"And may I ask, why?"-Lena said.-" Why do you want to have dinner with me?"

"Why not?"- Kara asked and Lena was now mad at herself, she had spent so much time with Kara that her witty answers had rubbed off on the reporter/hero.

"That's not enough for an answer Supergirl"- Lena indicated and turned around again, walking towards the kitchen. She needed to do something so she could keep her anger under control. Otherwise she would in fact throw something at the super's head as she almost did the game night after Lex's death.

The super followed her suit and sat on the kitchen counter, cape roaming a couple of inches from the floor.

Lena tried to ignore how much it reminded her of Kara and focused on getting out some leftover food from the fridge.

"I just want to spend more time with you"- Kara finally said.

At that Lena scoffed, mainly because she didn't believe her. "Don't you have some superheroing to do?"-Lena asked while putting the tupper on the kitchen counter next to Kara's and opening the oven.

"That's no problem..."-Kara said- "I…I don’t have to do it every night and…"- she stopped talking.

Lena who had been adjusting the oven’s temperature looked up and noticed that the super had her eyes glued to the food container. Lena raised an eyebrow- "That's leftover Chinese food"-she said straightening her posture and opening the Tupper.

_Oh_

Once the cap came off, it revealed half frozen potstickers, with teriyaki chicken and fried noodles. No wonder the super seemed so affected by it, she had probably seen the contents with her x-ray vision already.

However the most important part was that Lena knew that this Chinese food combination was one of Kara's favorite, therefore Supergirl’s favorite but Kara couldn't admit that could she? And as if on cue...the blonde's stomach growled.

Lena allowed herself to smile, may be…just maybe justice did exist for her.- "are you okay Supergirl?"

Kara blinked and looked at the food one last time then at her again.-"I…I... yeah...sorry...I just had a long day"- she said and gulped.

"Right...saving people and all"- Lena said while Kara glued her eyes to the food again.

"Yeah ..."- the blonde agreed her mouth slightly open while Lena transferred the food from the Tupper to a metallic container.

Lena closed the oven and then leaned against the kitchen counter- "so why the sudden need to have dinner with me?" - she asked again.

Kara snapped her head away from the food inside the oven, and shook her head- "You really don’t believe that I want to spend more time with you? Don’t you?"

“I don't” – Lena admitted.

Kara jumped down from the counter and nodded –“ That’s…that’s understandable I have not given you enough reasons to believe me”

Lena blinked, was she really going to go down that route? – “You have not” – she answered, now

wondering what else the super had in store.

“But I have given you enough reasons to trust me “– Kara contradicted her and Lena truly, this time almost straight up hit her head with the closest pan she could find.

“Have you now? “– Lena asked squinting her eyes.

Kara took a deep breath and nodded – “I have saved your life” –

“I have saved your life too”– Lena quickly said.

“Okay” – Kara crossed her arms – “I apologized for over reacting with the Kryptonite incident”– she said.

“And I …”- Lena couldn’t answer her now, she couldn’t say _and I admitted I helped Lex_. “And I told you I kept the Harun-El” – she said instead.

Kara nodded again – “So both of us made mistakes” – she said and Lena bit her tongue to not start yelling at her. Because, no…just no… she had not pretended with her for years. She showed herself truly while she lied to her face. While she kept lying.

“Mistakes that are enough for us to continue working separately” – Lena managed to say with her voice trembling with anger.

Kara sighed – “I can’t do that” – she said.

“Why is so important for you to be friends Supergirl?” – Lena asked one more time, because God help her if she admitted her true identity in that moment. Lena would definitely hit her with the nearest pan, it wouldn’t hurt her anyways but it would be really cathartic to do so. She was really tired of this games Kara seemed to play.

“Because you have saved my life, because you believed in me when no one in national city did, because you have saved the people I consider family, and even though you still don’t believe me, you are important to me…you truly are…and I…I just…”- Kara suddenly looked at her hands, as if she wanted to say something else, so Lena waited, maybe she could…maybe she could forgive her if she told her right that instant the truth, _maybe_ she could find it in herself, and things could get fixed.

“I…”- Kara looked at her, her usual firm Supergirl voice wavering off –“Please, let me spend more time with you…”- she said and Lena could notice her eyes reddening a bit. She could see the tears forming, making her hardened heart crack a little. So she turned around again. She could handle Supergirl crying, but she would never get used to Kara crying.

“Okay Supergirl, whatever you say...”- she finally agreed.

The super smiled at her again- “okay then, I’ll come here tomorrow evening”-She immediately said.

“Wait” - Lena cut her off-“if you want to spend more time with me... I have one condition”

Kara nodded eagerly- “whatever you want Lena”

Lena fought the need to smile, justice did exist after all and it had arrived by itself. Landing on her balcony.

“I get to choose the food”- Lena said simply.

Kara's smile slowly faded and Lena mentally fist punched the air. Kara new Lena's food preferences. Supergirl did not, but she couldn't admit that, could she?

“Of...of course Lena...I mean, yeah I can...you can pick...if you want...yeah...the food I can eat it...the food…right”-Kara said, her firm voice finally wavering away.

At that the oven beeped and Lena opened it, the smell of heated Chinese leftovers filled the room and she sighed, she hadn't had lunch so her stomach revered in anticipation. But she wasn't the only one, when she looked at Kara her blue eyes had darkened and she was biting her lower lip, she barely blinked while her blue eyes remained glued to the metal tray.

Lena pretended that she didn't notice and put the food on a plate. Then grabbed a fork and took one potsticker.- “so when do you plan to pass by?”-She asked, noticing how Kara’s eyes followed the potsticker.

“At...at...8?”- she answered.

“Okay”- Lena said and without warning ate the potsticker in one bite. Kara’s eyes widened and the pout was back on her face again, at that Lena could swear the super was unconsciously doing it. There was no way Kara was acting so aloof if it weren’t because the food made her surprisingly weak of character.

But Lena was too mad and too satisfied to care so she kept eating the food in front of the super and with each bite Kara seemed to bit her lower lip even harder while the border of her blue eyes seemed to fight tears. She was clearly, literally dying of hunger. Yet she kept pretending.

So Lena tried her best to eat the food as if was the best thing in the world, as a response the super ended up flying away before Lena could finish eating.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Danvers was about to eat her first slide of pizza of the day, was so close to give it a bite when suddenly her mouth closed around nothing, she had bitten pure air. She opened her eyes and angrily looked at her sister who in one huge bite swallowed the pizza slide moaning as she did so.

“What the fuck, Kara?!” – Alex exclaimed – “That was my only slide! And I didn’t have lunch or breakfast!”

“You have no idea what I have just gone through” – Kara answered while swallowing the pizza.

Unfortunately, that was just the beginning of Kara eating Alex’s food. Lena purposely chose to have all the possible combinations of kale that you could make to every single one of their dinners, which were also leaving the CEO starving, but she was enjoying more seeing the super grimace while she fought hard to swallow the food.

Kara on the other hand braved through the task. She had a single focus and was for Lena to trust her as Supergirl. She needed Lena to believe in Supergirl so she could tell her the truth, so maybe when she did, Lena wouldn’t hurt as much and maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t leave. Because she just couldn’t lose Lena, so it didn’t mattered if she had to eat Kale for a month, even though in their dinners Lena mostly remained silent and deflected any of her attempts to make light conversation.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So a month passed, and Lena was surprised that the super had visited every evening to have dinner with her like clockwork at 8pm, and as usual she ate the food without complaining, she just sighed and looked at the food as if it were the hardest task in her life and ate it. She had tried to make conversation asking her about her day, or work, but never nothing personal, so Lena was surprised. She had been expecting intense questioning, or a sign to reveal a hidden scheme, but nothing happened. Instead, she suddenly found herself spending more time with Supergirl than with Kara Danvers, because the later started to cancel their usual lunch dates.

The changes were throwing Lena off, spiking her paranoia and mistrust. Which was why she continued receiving the super every evening. Which was why she dared to ask her a question.

“What did your home planet look like?” – She asked while Kara kept her eyes closed while swallowing a spoon size of kale soup. Lena would have found it funny in other circumstances but she couldn’t at the moment.

Kara’s eyes opened immediately and she choked trying to answer her while swallowing. Lena was surprised with her eagerness.- “Krypton…you want me to tell you about Krypton?” – she asked, and Lena could swear she never saw Kara’s blue eyes shine so brightly like that night.

“Yeah…yes” – she said, again…mad but _still curious._

“Krypton was beautiful…Lena…it was as if the Earth had Jupiter as it moon, you could see the rings of our moon, while the red sun still shined…and we had beautiful places, mountains and oceans…as the ones you find in Earth’s fantasy stories…”- she said with a hint of sadness.

It reminded Lena of Ireland, which landscape made her believe she was so far away of the world, of the corruption of her reality.- “I wish I could show you”– Kara said and smiled to herself then looked at Lena again – “You would have liked it …” - she said and took her hand.

They usually had dinner on Lena’s living-room table, but on their second dinner Kara convinced her to eat on the floor, next to Lena’s fireplace. So they ended up laying the food on a blanket on top of the room’s carpet, accompanied with a bottle of wine and re-usable plates. They ended up sitting in front of each other, within Kara’s radius of motion, which Lena had not noticed until now that Kara reached to touch her.

Lena removed her hand –“ I am more of a scientist than an adventurer, as you may have discovered” – she said. _She lied._

“I wouldn’t be sure about that”– Kara contradicted and Lena decided to ignore her anger for a second. Kara seemed to know her well to make that conclusion so she couldn’t understand the reason behind her mistrust. She just couldn’t.

“What makes you believe I am up for adventures?” – she asked.

Kara shrugged her shoulders, and her cape made a soft sound at the motion.- “You came with me to find Sam and defeat Reign…you tried to defeat Reign on your own…to me you have graduated in adventure school” – she said.

“And here I am…not knowing I could even do that” – Lena scoffed.

Kara ignored her, instead took a sip of her glass of wine. Lena suspected it was to remove the flavor of the kale soup from her mouth.- “You know, you are so brilliant you would have been loved in Krypton”– she said and Lena looked at her surprised again.

“Loved?” – she asked, and for a second there she wondered if the wine was indeed wine. Kara must be drunk to admit something like that. She would never expect to find her name in the same sentence as Krypton and love. Not on the receiving end at least.

Kara nodded.- “My father was a scientist, and he always complained he didn’t know someone as brilliant as him…”-

“That sounds egotistical” – Lena said.

Kara shook her head – “He wanted to meet someone as brilliant from another planet, he believed if that happened both could benefit…both could grow and learn from each other and even invent new technologies…he never based a person’s worth on intellect or fortune, even though our society did” –

“So that’s why I would be loved in Krypton? Because I am smart and rich?” – Lena asked – “No matter who my family was?” – she added in disbelieve and her mind betrayed her again, so Supergirl was an altruistic persona, while her society was the opposite?

Kara smiled and agreed – Yeah, the people in Krypton would not have cared where you come from, as long as you didn’t commit a criminal act against them…but my parents…my parents made their careers to help people…they just wanted the best for everyone…they made mistakes though but that’s not the point…the point is…I…- Kara sighed, and Lena noticed her struggle with whatever mistakes her parents had made, but the blonde eventually spoke again – “My father would have loved to meet you” – she said.

_So the altruism comes from her parents. Unlike yours._

Lena couldn’t find words to answer her that did not involve her actual thoughts.

As I did- Kara added smiling fondly and shrugging her shoulders.

Lena’s brain just went blank with the information. She didn’t know what to feel or how to interpret it. So she just looked at her soup again and ate.- “That is why I believed in you and apologized for my mistakes” – Kara added and Lena kept her eyes on her soup. She didn’t want to look up, she was afraid of what she would find.

She would have found honesty.

Kara just observed her. Incapable to stop now that she had started, because as always once she started praising Lena, she just couldn’t help herself she had to keep going.- “When I got to know you and realized how brilliant you are, and when I saw you risking your life to rectify your family’s mistakes, I couldn’t help but to be reminded of my father…”

“I…I admire you Lena...I’ll always will” – she said and at that Lena couldn’t keep herself from looking at her. But Kara felt her cheeks burn and looked at her soup again, sighing at the realization that she had to keep eating.

After that night Lena tried to keep as quiet as before, but she couldn’t. Now she had to know more about the super, betrayal of trust or not, she was still curious about that part of Kara Danvers that she never got to see.

So Lena kept asking more questions and Kara kept answering them willingly. Her anger though, was turning into pain, because now she would cry herself to sleep rather than plotting ways to torture supergirl with new selections of food. Selections that included the least obvious ways to make the super eat vegetables for as long as she could.


	2. Chapter II: L is for Losing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What the fuck do you think you are doing?!" Lena exclaimed and Kara was sure that if Lena had heat vision she would have blasted her with it. But Kara didn't let go, one thing was that Lena for some reason seemed to be angrier at Supergirl, every day that passed, another was that she would starve just because of her presence. Kara just couldn’t tolerate Lena’s unhealthy eating habits any longer. 
> 
> "I'll feed you myself if I have to" Kara answered. Pressing down on Lena’s legs with her free arm when she tried to kick herself free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello People In Orbit!
> 
> Thanks for waiting for the update! I'm somewhat okay with this chapter not exactly happy, I wanted to reveal a bit more but it ended up being too long, so I'll post a second part after I finish writing it.  
> Again! Thanks for giving this story a try! Sorry for any grammar mistakes and happy reading! 
> 
> Over and Out!

Within the month that Kara spent visiting Lena as Supergirl to be culinary tortured - as Alex told her, after calling her a self-sacrificing masoquist- the super tried to keep their conversations light and a bit away from personal topics that may affect Lena. She didn't want her to feel overwhelmed, she didn't want Lena to distrust her more. Because for some reason Kara perceived something off between them, as Kara Danvers and as Supergirl, and she couldn’t put her finger on it. But her gut feeling was screaming at her that Lena was pulling away from her. So Kara tried to tell her about Krypton, tried to answer Lena’s questions about Krypton, and reached a wall she didn’t expected to find.

Kara suddenly discovered she had forgotten parts of her childhood in Krypton, memories that connected her with her father in particular. It was as if she had some black box in her mind instead of memories. 

"What do you remember about your father? Before everything happened" Was Lena's question. 

"He spent a lot of time in his lab" Was all Kara said. She couldn’t say anything else, the memory was not as painful anymore, but she just couldn’t go past seeing his father working in his lab, with his back turned to her.

Kara held her breath when Lena silently observed her, and discovered how her green eyes became dimmer when she felt disappointed or sad, Kara couldn’t guess exactly why. All she knew was that Lena’s expression broke her heart a little. She tried to elaborate but she couldn’t go past from actually admitting she didn’t remember most of the times she spent with him.

“I’m sorry for asking” Was all Lena said, but Kara could feel her retreating. 

Up to that night, Kara had managed to convince Lena to eat on the floor of the living-room, right in front of the artificial fireplace. She had also managed to sit next to Lena instead of in front of her, and had even managed to get Lena's approval to bring donuts for dessert. She had to admit, it was a bit surprising Lena allowed her those concessions but she didn't dwell on it. Kara would take any chance Lena would give Supergirl. All she wanted was for Lena to see Supergirl as someone that trusted her as much as Kara Danvers did. 

But now...now things were backwards again. They still ate dinner on the living-room's floor, but Lena started sitting on the couch, legs stretched and mostly paying attention to her iPad than eating or speaking. Kara had tried to convince her to eat a little, but Lena just glared at her. At some point Kara had been so frustrated with Lena ignoring her and working non-stop, that they got into a new argument. 

Flash-Back 

Kara stood up and put the Kale soup on the small living-room table, huffing. "That's it Lena, if you start avoiding me again, it's fine...but you can't just stop eating" she said crossing her arms. She had been ignored for almost an hour, a new record in Lena’s recent ignoring-Supergirl-tactics, but at least she ate in between her ignoring Supergirl sessions. This time around she had barely looked at Kara when she landed on the balcony, she didn’t greet her and just sat on her couch, reading the damned iPad.

Kara was a patient person, living with superpowers in a world with non-powered humans, she had to learn to be patient. No one easily got into her skin…except Lena and her stubbornness, and her sarcasm and her bossy nature when she decided to really contradict her. Therefore, Kara’s patience was being tested in that precise instant.

Lena looked at her "And what are you going to do? Force me?" she said squinting her eyes, as it seemed to be the only way she looked at Kara now. 

"Well...”- Kara tried to think of a witty answer, she couldn’t come up with any. The truth would have to do then. “Well...yes...if I have to" Kara said back, adjusting, and putting her hands on her hips in her signature Supergirl posture. 

"I would like to see you try Supergirl" Lena replied, now straight up glaring at her, green eyes directly on Kara. The blonde felt her legs almost retreating. She had gotten so used to Lena's soft, caring way of looking at her, that her glares were like daggers. She felt her heart being attacked by kryptonite nails. But she kept her ground and tried to keep her voice firm when she spoke next. 

"Okay" Kara said and took Lena's bowl in her hands, she could feel Lena’s eyes fixed on her while she used her heat vision to bring the soup to an edible temperature. Then took a spoon and with her free hand moved Lena's legs to one side and sat on the couch. 

Lena _tried_ to get off the couch as soon as she realized what Kara was about to do, but Kara was faster, she grabbed Lena’s ankles, finding a good grip with the help of Lena’s designer pants, and pulled gently, ending with Lena's legs on her lap.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?!" Lena exclaimed and Kara was sure that if Lena had heat vision she would have blasted her with it. But Kara didn't let go, one thing was that Lena for some reason seemed to be angrier at Supergirl, everyday that passed, another was that she would starve just because of her presence. Kara just couldn’t tolerate Lena’s unhealthy eating habits any longer. 

"I'll feed you myself if I have to" Kara answered. Pressing down on Lena’s legs with her free arm when she tried to kick herself free. Kara wanted to laugh but she didn’t, it was really unfair for Lena, and much more when Kara did knew how physically strong she was. Lena wasn’t as strong as Alex, but she could put up a fight if she wanted to, which Kara may have learnt that one time they ended up in a tickling war. The only time Kara let someone pin her down against the floor and laughed about it.

"You have to let my legs go, unless you can somehow hold my legs and the bowl AND the spoon at the same time" Lena pointed out and literally hissed. 

"Good point" Kara agreed and with a bit of superspeed, she trapped Lena's legs between her right and left leg, such that both of Lena's legs ended on top of her right leg while Kara's left leg ended on top, keeping them in place. 

"What has gotten into you!?" Lena tried to free herself but all she managed was to get her hair on her face. 

Kara grinned, "You look like a mad cat" she said chuckling a little. But she instantly braced herself because Lena couldn't possibly look at her with more anger than at that moment. 

"I hate you" Lena blurted out. 

Kara took a deep breath, because Rao that hurt more than what she expected, it was as if Lena actually meant it. She looked at the bowl of soup trying to contain the tears. Lena tried to move again and Kara just looked at her one more time. "I could never hate you" She answered. 

Lena didn't reply. Kara extended her arms offering her the bowl with soup. "Would you please eat?"

"I have no other option, you are forcing me" Lena answered and took the bowl from her hands. 

Kara sighed relieved. "Thank you" she said, observing Lena get a spoonful of kale soup. 

"Do you...do you really hate me?" Kara asked. 

Lena took a deep breath and moved her mouth as if trying to say something, but just shook her head and kept eating the soup.

Kara nodded because somehow she could tell Lena wanted to say "yes" instead, and the sole idea made Kara feel as if her heart dropped to some bottomless place, and just kept falling. 

"You are not going to ask why?" Lena said keeping her eyes fixed on the bowl. 

Kara who had been looking at the floor looked at her again, Lena looked at her at the same time. Green and blue mixed for a couple of seconds, and even though Lena was glaring at her again, Kara just wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be okay, the impulse was pure instinct, as was the intense desire to cry. She started to realize that their relationship was breaking, falling apart and she couldn’t stop it. 

"Because it hurts" Kara whispered. 

"It shouldn't" was the last thing Lena told her. 

End of Flash Back

That is how Kara Danvers a.k.a Supergirl ended up in front of the Fortress of Solitude. She took a deep breath and went in. It was not the first time she had been there, but nonetheless she felt nervous. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to find, but she was sure she had missed something in between becoming National City’s hero and Lena’s best-friend. She could feel it in her heart, the familiar longing deep in her chest, that only grew bigger when Kara decided to dig deeper, but she would just looked away.

But _now_ …She couldn’t look away anymore.

_She was losing something important, she didn’t understand why or what was it, but she had to figure it out before it was too late._

_\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Lena watched the clock in her living-room and then the balcony. When the clock marked 8:00 pm sharp she held her breath, waiting for the familiar sound of boots touching the ground. But nothing happened, she sighed, she didn’t even understood why she was waiting for Kara to come this time. They had argued, Lena had literally told her she hated her. She shouldn’t be expecting Supergirl to come back, but _still_ she did.

When the clock marked 8:05 pm, Lena poured herself a glass of wine and as usual sank in her couch. It was a Friday night after all, she didn’t need to go back to LCorp, she had many things ahead of schedule, courtesy of overworking most of the week to avoid imploding from anger…disappointment, she didn’t know anymore.

She didn’t expected anyone, she had decided to stay in her living-room until her body fell asleep. But the knock on her door indicated her day was far from over.

She stood up and looked at the tiny screen next to the door frame, she pursed her lips, seeing Alex Danvers outside, dressed in dark jeans, a grey shirt and her usual black jacket.- “Alex”- Lena greeted her when she opened the door.

Alex smiled at her a bit nervously- “Good evening Lena, I’m sorry to bother you this late”- she said stepping inside.

Lena didn’t answer, she just adjusted her black sleeping robe and walked to the kitchen. She had just realized Alex probably knew Supergirl was not coming to see her tonight.- “To what do I owe your visit?” – she asked getting two empty glasses and signaling to the fridge’s water dispenser.

“Yeah…water is fine” – Alex said while standing in the middle of the living-room and just looking around, Lena noticed she had a medium size envelope in her hands.

“There you go” – Lena said walking extending her the glass with water.

“Thanks” – Alex replied before drinking half of it and smiling at her again.

Lena just walked around the couch and sat back, crossing her legs and waiting for Alex to say something.

Alex sighed and briefly looked at the floor before sitting on the smaller couch next to the one Lena’s was occupying.

“I was wondering why you are avoiding my calls” – Alex said and Lena raised an eyebrow surprised.

“I was sure you wanted to talk about that” – she said pointing at the envelope.

Alex shook her head and put it on the small table in front of them.- “Maybe, but I just was really wondering why you don’t want to hang out anymore…”- she said and maybe it was the way she said it or the sadness in her brown eyes, that reminded Lena of Kara.

“Alex, I hope you don’t take it personally” “But I am getting really busy with LCorp”- Lena repeated her well practice answer.

“I…I know about that” “I heard of the changes you are making” – Alex answered and took a deep breath before looking at her again.- “You are pulling LCorp out of the deal to work with the DEO” – she added slowly, as if she were afraid to break something with her words.

_So that’s why_

Lena raised an eyebrow and took a sip from her glass with water. She had to be really careful if she wanted to keep the fact that she knew Supergirl identity already.- “Well, news do travel fast, I didn’t even do a press release yet”- she commented casually.

Alex burrowed her eyebrows – “They do, when I’m the DEO’s director…I just want to know why…”- she asked observing her.

Lena tilted her head to the side – “Would you believe me if I told you I changed my mind?” –

“Yes, but I would need to know why”- Alex answered.

Lena observed the agent again. She still remembered the first time they met, she was still wary of her…of her last name to be more precise. She could perceive it, even though Alex was never rude or disrespectful, she always felt she kept her distance and closely observed her interaction with Kara during game nights, she was discrete about it of course, but Lena could still notice.

However, things changed, the more she started working with Supergirl, the more she started helping to save Supergirl’s life, the more Alex warmed up to her. She had never made the connection but now she saw it clearly. She had to admit, Alex did waited to see that she was different than the rest of her family, and Lena understood it, her protectiveness towards Kara, Lena would have acted the same way…Lena acted the same way…and that’s how they became friends, because they saw Kara as this person so different from anyone else they had met, so full of good and hope that they just had to protect her from people who may want to take advantage of it.

Of course…that connection between was breaking too. Now that Lena knew the truth, there weren’t more things in common she could have with Alex Danvers…no more reason to work with the DEO.- “I thought it could be problematic for LCorp’s image to join a government organization after what happened with the president”- She answered.

Alex kept silent for a moment, considering her answer.-“I thought…I thought it was because of Lex”- she finally said and Lena took a deep breath, maybe she should have seen that one coming.

“Are you here to talk a business deal or about my feelings?”- Lena said trying to deflect the question.

“Whatever gets you talking about your feelings”- Alex said this time more firmly-“I’m not blind Lena, you are pulling away from us…and I know it is about Lex, what other thing could it possibly be about?”- she said standing up from the couch and going straight to the minibar.

_Oh you have no idea_

Lena squinted her eyes at her, she had forgotten Alex loved her collection of wine, scotch and beer.-“So cut the crap Lena…and stop pushing us away, we want to help”- she said picking a beer and opening it easily.

“Well, I need to deal with things on my own” “Now, agent Danvers I didn’t know you were one up for heart to heart conversations”-Lena said defensively. 

“I’m not…except when is about someone I care about” – Alex said – “That’s why I need the alcohol honestly”

“More like an AA subscription”- Lena spat back and briefly looked at the clock.

Alex eyebrows shoot up-“Well…I’ll ignore the snarky comment…”- she announced and sat next to her, beer in hand.-“I’m here not because of Kara”- she then added.

Lena arched an eyebrow-“Why would you think I think that, although it’s probably partly because of Kara, when is it not?”- she said and now, she ignored Alex confused look.

“Look, I don’t want to pretend I know how you are feeling…but I am here…and if you need someone to talk it out that is not me…then I’m sure…there is a Kryptonian waiting to hear you”- Alex said.

“Why not Kara?”- Lena asked and Alex took a deep breath, then had another sip of her beer.

“Because…because trying to protect Supergirl I killed someone she cared about”- Alex admitted and looked at the balcony.

Lena held her breath, her brain got to a halt. She didn’t know what to say. She had never expected such information. She could bet her life on Alex’s love for Kara, she could never see her doing something that would hurt her, except to protect her. Lena didn’t know how she found it in herself but suddenly she remembered what happened with “Mike-Of-The-Interns”. Lena didn’t kill him but she still felt awful for sending him away…for breaking Kara’s heart in the process…and so, she found herself sympathizing with Alex.

“I know is far from the same, I know you loved Lex too…it’s hard not to love your siblings when you are so young and alone and they are just…there…”- Alex said and Lena had to briefly close her eyes to not let the tears fall.-“But you also gained us…well…you…I…I care Lena, maybe as much as I care for Kara”- she admitted-“So..er…don’t shut down okay?”- she said and stood up.

Lena remained silent for a couple of seconds, taking in Alex’s words. She wished she would have heard them in a different situation. In a different reality when she was not hurting the way she was. When she didn’t have her brother’s blood in her hands, when she didn’t feel like a murderer more than National City’s savior.-“What’s in there?”- she asked trying to think of something else.

Alex looked at the envelope and took another deep breath.-“I thought it was best if I told you in person…”-she said hesitating.

“What could be even worse than what I have done Alex?”-Lena huffed and this time Alex was sure she referred to Lex’s death but didn’t say anything.

“Well…the DEO found Lillian…and…she wants to see you”- Alex said.

Lena sighed and stood up too.-“And it can get worse”-she said taking the envelope and opening it.

“We have her detained at one of the cells…”

“She is probably hating you for locking her up with aliens”-Lena said reading the papers rapidly.-“Do I need to sign something?”-she asked. So far the papers were a report of when and how they captured Lillian.

“No…she is…oddly calm…and is just asking to see you”- Alex said.

“I’m sorry but that won’t happen, please tell her that”-Lena said putting back the documents on the table.

Alex simply nodded and Lena internally thanked her for not asking her anything else.-“I’ll see myself out Lena, please rest and…I’m sorry”- she said before suddenly hugging her.

Lena had to swallow hard, apparently all the Danvers sisters seemed to just hug her on cue. She barely hugged her back and nodded, containing her tears. Alex gave her a half smile and turned around. Lena sat back on the couch while the door closed behind Alex’s back.

Lena curled her legs up and hugged herself, she never felt more tired as that night…as every night for the past months, she just wanted to let go. 


	3. Chapter III: Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But in all the confusion. Kara still had one constant.
> 
> I’ll always be your friend. I promise.
> 
> You’ll never lose me.
> 
> And maybe it was her need to reach back to something that could anchor her. Something different than Alex…something of her choosing....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello People in Orbit;   
> So this chapter is the longest I have written so far and didn't want to split it because well...I can't everything just ended up morphing together.   
> Also, I make some reference to some events that happened in the comics before Krypton's destruction. That I got from wikipedia so don't expect 100% accuracy.   
> As always I hope you like the chapter!   
> Happy Reading!   
> Over and Out!

At some point in life, you stop to breathe and to think…what is next? What should you care about? Where is home? When do you stop looking for home?

At some point in your life you find that balance, between the craziness of clothes spread on the floor of your room and the calm days when you manage to remember to use only one cup for coffee and even managed to put it back in the kitchen cabinet.

Kara was intellectually aware that a balance like that existed. She had seen Alex reach that point. Even though she didn’t marry Maggie, her sister had grown from her disorganized (as Eliza called them for lack of a better term) to her more confident and organized self (except maybe with her beer consumption, but Kara didn’t judge her).

Kara knew that balance _existed_. 

People around her, were getting to that point. Jon with his detective/security company. Nia and Brainy with their “relationship”. Eliza too, she had learnt to re-structure her life without Jeremiah in the picture.

But Kara…Kara didn’t know if she was stuck or if she had lost the chance to reach that balance when she let go of Mon-El…or if she missed it somehow when in fact she had been afraid to build her life towards it all along.

So she took a deep breath and looked in front of her as soon as she landed softly on the icy ground. The fortress of solitude was in front of her in all its glory, reflecting the light from the sun only like ice could do it. Gently refracting the sunrays as the waves of light interacted with the polished surface of the fortress.

She walked slowly, feeling nervous all of the sudden. She had considered flying to Argo city to speak with her mother but surprised herself when she realized she couldn’t. She trusted her mother but after finding out what she did to Astra, she couldn’t think of her in the same light as she had done when she was younger. She had forgiven her, although she was not sure why she still felt… _betrayed_. However, she had to feel happy Alura was alive, she felt happy and chose not to think too much about Astra. She didn’t have the time either. Since she visited Alura when Mon-El was there, she was more…involved…in her relationship with the Daxamite than with sorting her feelings towards Alura and their fall out with Astra.

But now… _now_...something was stirring within her, a familiar feeling that was waking up everything else she had buried and that only came out once when she was under red kryptonite.

Kara concluded that probably that was the reason she was feeling suddenly… _scared._ As if she was walking towards a place full of memories that would make her confront her deepest desires…and maybe her deepest fears.

“Kara Zor-El” – Kelex greeted her when she entered the fortress.

“Hello Kelex” – she said tilting her head.

The robot hovered in front of her – “I’m honored with your visit Kara Zor-El, please let me know how can I be of help?” 

Kara observed the robot and considered her answer.- “I…I need you to search the archives for memories of my father”

The robot tilted his head to the right and his electronic eyes flickered blue, Kara had the feeling he was scanning her vitals.

“Is everything alright with Kara Zor-El’s memories? I can’t detect any brain damages that may cause memory loss” 

“I’m fine Kelex… I have just gotten nostalgic”- she said not wanting to reveal everything yet.

Kelex hovered closer to her and leaned forwards. Kara leaned backwards-“Interesting”- Kelex said.

“What do you mean by interesting?”

“My scans detect increasing cerebral activity in every area of your brain”

Kara sighed – “That’s okay that has been happening since I figured out how get sunlight from vegetation”

“Interesting” Kelex repeated. “If Kara Zor-El allows me I can keep my scans for later analysis”

“That’s okay, I don't think you'll find something that the DEO has not found yet” – She indicated

Kelex nodded, turned around and hovered between the ice stalagmites, until he reached the fortress’s middle sized ice-lectern, onto which a digital screen expanded. Kelex chose a combination of options and virtual icons and after a couple of seconds a spherical cavity formed on the front of the lectern. Out of it a sphere came out hovering over the ice and powered by micro-thrusters.

Kara took the sphere in her hands and observed it with curiosity.- “I have not seen this things in forever, I used to steal many of these from my father’s lab”

“I thought, Kara Zor-El would appreciate the reminder” Kelex said hovering back to her side.

Kara smiled-“I never used it to record things like father did, I was more interested in the thrusters”

“A dozen of them could very well propel up a Krytponian child”

Kara nodded smiling “That’s exactly why I stole them, but more than a dozen” she said then pressed the only button on the surface of the sphere, which made the cap covering the lens in the sphere unlock.

“I must let Kara Zor-El know that some memories are from her father only and they are chronologically ordered”

Kara nodded and press a second button, prompting the 3D dimensional projector to show her a list of thumbnails, that very much like a youtube app, played the first 10 seconds of the memory. She scrolled between the memories that she remembered and the ones that were not very relevant until one in particular caught her attention.

She could see her father waking barefoot on the sand, while observing the ocean and holding her hand. She was probably 5 years old.

“Father” – she whispered without realizing it. 

Zor-El was a tall man, about Kara’s height and his skin seemed to shined along with the sunlight from the red sun. His blue eyes looked like two stars glowing, reflecting the afternoon glare of the sun setting behind calmed waters. His curled blonde hair moved with the wind but never got tangled.

Kara blinked, she had forgotten the last time she had seen his father without a preoccupied expression. He was wearing sleeveless navy blue shirt with matching navy blue pants. Showing her carved muscles and the golden marriage bracelet firmly placed on his right bicep.

“Father” – Kara repeated and had to contain the tears when she saw the younger version of herself pulling from her father’s pants, and extending her arms up, signaling him to carry her.

Zor-El smiled and took her in his arms.- “My dear Kara” – he whispered and kissed her forehead. Little Kara giggled and Zor-El smiled.

“You really inherited my eyes, didn’t you?” – Zor- El whispered and kissed her forehead again. Little Kara covered her face with her small hands and nodded while her cheeks blushed pink.

“And apparently the way I easily blush too” – he pointed out.

Little Kara threw her arms around Zor-El’s neck and rested her head on his shoulder.

Zor-El smiled and sighed – “I wish you could have known Krypton the way I remember it” – he suddenly said his voice turning nostalgic.-“I wish you could get to see it the way I saw it…”- he added while looking at the horizon.

Then he looked at Kara and softly took her chin, so her blue eyes were directed at him. He smiled again – “Whatever happens, wherever I go…I’ll always be with you…and even if Krypton is gone…you will build a home of your own…”- he said.

Little Kara just blinked and smiled at him, but then when she noticed a rebel tear escaped Zor-El’s eye, she reached for his left cheek and cleaned it with her small hand.

“Father…don’t cry”– her half well -spoken kryptonian echoed with such sharpness due to the heaviness of the words that Kara felt as she was right there.

Zor-El shook is head – “You will grow up in a society that won’t allow you to feel…you will have to be logical and inquisitive…but I promise you…We will change that…you deserve to feel, to get the chance to feel a passion for survival…that will help you live…and maybe find love” – he said and then frowned – “Maybe not that just yet…I don’t think I’m ready for that” – he said chuckling and kissed her forehead again.

“Sun of my life…”- he added and little Kara giggled.

“I think Rao has blessed you with a natural tendency to smile…didn’t he?” – Zor-El commented observing her smile even more.-“You are so different even though the matrix conceived you”

“Zor-El?” – A female voice called him, and he turned around.

Kara turned around noticing her mother had joined them, she had her hair down and she was wearing a white tunic that partially showed her arms, enough for Kara to recognize a similar golden bracelet on her right arm.

“Kara, let me speak with your father” – Alura said, her voice neutral.

Zor-El put Kara down and let her walk towards her mother. Alura kneeled in front of Kara who had stopped smiling. Alura touched her right cheek and sighed – “Remember we talked about expressing too much?” – she said.

Little Kara nodded –“I…I should keep my emotions to myself”– she answered timidly.

Alura nodded – “Yes, it is important that you learn to control your emotions…you are the future of our house…and as such you will have to learn to behave” – she added.

“Alura” – Zor-El interrupted her and Alura raised to her feet. She silently raised an eyebrow and he procured not to comment until Kara left them alone.

“Do you have to teach her to put mind over emotions so young?” – he asked.

Alura walked until she was standing in front of him – “And do you have to tell her it is okay to be different than the rest of us?” – she asked.

“She feels the way she does even though the matrix designed her to be like the rest of us…just as I am…just as my brother is…you can’t ignore that”- he said taking his wife hand.

Alura tried to free her hand but Zor-El pulled softly and intertwined their fingers – “Somehow, our DNA was able to overwrite the matrix’s optimization process…maybe not everything…but we did it…therefore we can still _feel_ …therefore we should share this with everyone else” –

Alura tilted her head – “Not all of us were able to do that Zor-El” –

“I can show you” – Zor-El murmured looking at her expectantly.

“I know you love me Zor-El, I know you love me deeply as I do, there is no need to show me” – Alura said looking at him as if he were talking of something strange and alien.

“To know compared as to feel is different” – Zor-El argued – I feel it, I felt it the first time I saw you…like the gravity that keeps Krypton and our sun in orbit, in equilibrium…so organic as the balance of the forces in our universe…”- he said.

Alura’s way of looking at him softened slightly – “There is no need to act on _feelings_ when we already know that we stand by each other sides…when we know how much we care for each other…”-

Zor-El sighed and let go of her hand – “Eventually we will have to change the old ways” – he whispered looking back at the horizon again.-“Eventually we will have to learn to act on our feelings too”

“Now you remind me of Astra…She keeps thinking that our people put rationale over nationalism”

“Maybe not nationalism but definitely over union and the love for Krypton”– Zor-El answered.

“So you agree with her?”

Zor-El looked at his wife – “I agree…and I agree with Jor-El’s plan to teach our people to reconnect with their emotions, life has many wonders that should be experienced”

Alura shook her head – “In the many years we have been married this is the first time I disagree with you” 

“I’m aware, and I respect your reasons…but change will eventually bring us together…”

“Husband, you speak of a change that already happened…a change that brought death”- Alura said turning entirely so she stood in front of him, blocking his view from the ocean – “Emotions ruled over us in the early days of our society…we loved life so much we developed and inherent fear of death…a we created clones that contained our conscience…and people didn’t want to let go of them, and the clones suddenly were more machine than beings, and suddenly wanted to rule over us…and so many died in a Civil War that could have been avoided if we had not been so scared of death….if we had not _felt so intensively_ …”-

Zor-El sighed – “We won’t make the same mistakes…not if we stop using the matrix and actually start teaching new generations to control their emotions…so they don’t end up misusing technology to avoid their fears”

“We can’t teach new generations when we have a planet that needs saving” – Alura said – “We can’t introduce an unknown variable as volatile as emotions…much less to Kara, if she is to lead our people after we step down…she can’t be distracted by emotions or by learning how to handle them…”

“If we never teach her she will never learn”- Zor-El argued

“We don’t need to teach her if she learns that emotions are not needed to grow” – Alura indicated.

Zor-El sighed frustrated – “Jor-El won’t conceive his first child with the matrix…that child will be able to feel and experience emotions Kara is probably already deprived of…he will feel more connected to his motions…and if he manages to control them on his own he will be of stronger character…even more free…than Kara will ever be…I can’t allow that to happen…”

“I want my daughter to be able to define herself based on all aspects of her personality…including emotions and logic”

“Husband” – Alura said noticing his anger.- “You are letting emotions and worries take over you”

He shook his head – “I am being strategic and I am telling you, our daughter will be at a disadvantage and won’t discover her full potential” 

“That is an incorrect assessment, your genes and mine have been improved by the longest number of generations…Kara’s lineage carries in itself the experience of your parents’ parents and my parents’ parents and everyone before them…she is the best version of ourselves…what you are foreseeing…your worries are misplaced”

“The ability to lead comes from the character and personality of the leader, therefore the leader must know himself or herself very well to be able to see what is best for his or her people…tell me I’m quoting our leadership lessons incorrectly”

Alura sighed this time –“Kara’s character and personality has been defined by the matrix”

“But she is different Alura, you want to teach her to disregard her emotions so she fits the old definition of what a Kryptonian should be, while Jor-El’s child will be free of that burden”

“It is not a burden to put logic over emotions, and both children will lead, regardless of the way Jor-El plans to do with his future child”

“And how will they lead if one can balance logic and emotions and the other can’t? Don’t you see the problem? Don’t you see the familiarity?”– Zor-El asked

At that that Alura’s soft expression turned neutral again-“You are implying they will behave like Astra and I, that won’t happen”

“Astra is another example that even though your DNA has been engineered by the matrix, nature has found a way to make us realize we have feelings…it runs in your family as well”

“Astra is reckless not necessarily well balanced”- Alura said and Zor-El placed a hand on her left shoulder.

“You always say that change brings growth, let’s let Kara grow to her full potential...let that be our gift to her before Krypton runs out of time…and she will become the backbone of our people…she will lead alongside Jor-El’s side as the matriarch of our house as Kara Zor-El”

Alura seemed to consider his point so he continued speaking – “Both of us know as well as Jor-El, history has taught us that the matriarch of our house is the one who truly carries on our traditions and believes to future generations…it will be on Kara to stablish the fundamentals of our future…the males…we protect them…it has been like that even before the Civil War…Jor-El’s child will protect our house and our people, he will protect her and Kara will protect our future”

Alura turned her back to him and observed the ocean…thinking silently for a couple of seconds. Zor-El waited-“ I see the logic behind your reasoning, but Kara should still learn our old ways”

Zor-El blinked clearly surprised – “What do you mean?”  


“I mean…Kara will be raised by our old ways until she is thirteen years old, then you may teach her to be in _contact_ with her emotions” – she clarified. 

“I can accept that…thank you” – Zor-El said and took her hand again, and this time Alura didn’t pull away. He smiled.

Kara stopped the projection from jumping to the next memory and slowly sat on the iced floor. She felt her body heavy. The truth was that Zor-El never got to teach her to balance logic and emotions. She didn’t even remembered he wanted her to learn how to do so, until that moment.

Because when she was thirteen Krypton died. She was sent to earth. She arrived on Earth, and lived with the Danvers. By that time, she was an awkward teenager that couldn’t go through any sort of physical contact without jumping away like a startled deer…or more like a wild rabbit, because her heart beat so hard whenever someone hugged her that it felt as if she would have a heart attack out of the pure anxiety.

But that was not why she felt paralyzed that instant.

“ _As Kara Zor-El” “Matriarch of our house” “Let Kara grow to her full potential”_

Suddenly her heart started beating faster, she wanted to propel to the sky, wanting to escape.

_Had she reached her full potential? Was she really Kara Zor-El?_ She looked at her reflection on the ice, the symbol of her house drawn on her chest suddenly started to have a heavier meaning than…hope.

Kara’s thoughts started crashing one against the other.

_“Did she even know how it **felt** to be Kara Zor-El?” _

She saw herself as Kara Danvers all shiny and happy and then she saw her 13 year old self, learning out of instinct to be human. She was there on Earth. Just existing and needing to survive…even thought all she wanted was to close her eyes and stop _feeling_.

Because even though her father described emotions as a wonderful element of someone’s life. Even though his intentions were noble and Alura ended up agreeing with him.

For Kara, the first ever experience with her emotions was _lost, fear and large amounts of pain._

She never wanted to feel again. She wanted to disconnect from her reality like when your teeth hurts due to cavities and you wished you could pull it away. She wished she could pulled the pain away.

She never actually _chose_ to feel again but then, she also had to adapt, so Kara Danvers had to _learn to feel…to fit in…so Kara Danvers chose to be always happy._

But Kara Zor-El couldn’t…Kara Zor-El had to fade with Krypton. She silently cried at the realization.

Kara Danvers was what protected her from being Kara Zor-El.

Supergirl was what protected her from being Kara Zor-El.

“Kara Zor-El is crying” Kelex’s voice startled her and she stood up.

“Can I do something to help” Kelex said.

Kara started pacing, a storm of rage and frustration was rising deep in her chest. She couldn’t control it anymore.

She targeted one of the farthest ice stalagmites and blasted it with heat vision.

She let go.

Nothing…nothing has been of my choosing! I didn’t want to leave Krypton! And chase after Kal-El! I didn’t want Astra to get sent to the phantom zone…to then be killed by Alex! I had…I had to become Supergirl so I could fit in here! – she shouted and by the time she finished tears were running down her cheeks.- I only wanted to have a home! And can’t even built one on my own because I don’t even fully understand who I am! Because I am so worried for people to accept me! And I try…I try so damn hard!

_I hate you - Lena’s words echoed._

But it doesn’t matter because I’m still rejected…hated! – she added and slowly kneeled down again, everything felt heavy all of the sudden and she punched the ice frustrated, the floor trembled and a hole the size of her fist was left after the punch.- Do you know how hard is it? – She asked looking at Kelex again- Did my father knew how hard it would get? To send me here…to raise a Kryptonian with superpowers? What they were thinking? If I’m not perfect here people reject me…the people I care about reject me…almost hate me – she said and punched the ice again, making a deeper hole.

Kelex tilted his head to the right-“I apologize if I can’t understand everything Kara Zor-El is struggling with but I gather that someone Kara Zor-El loves hates her” – he said.

At that Kara looked at him-“Love?” – she asked surprised by his choice of words.

Kelex nodded –“I may not understand emotions…but I have a set of statistical analysis provided by your father behavioral studies that indicate that if Kryptonians were to _feel_ love for the first time the emotion is not entirely clear because of their lack of familiarity with the emotion itself…so it turns to desperation and high levels of stress as well as recklessness”

“Love can be felt in different ways” Kara answered.

“Humans feel different levels of love” Kelex indicated. “For a Kryptonian it will be difficult to differentiate between them…until confronted with an extreme circumstance to actually lose it”

Kara shook her head-“I…” She didn’t have an answer. Everything was so convoluted at the moment, she was literally revisiting her own definition of emotions. Emotions felt by Kara Danvers, even by Supergirl never by Kara Zor-El, never by her as a whole.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The issue with letting go, as Lena was learning, was that you needed two things: closure and time. The only way she was realizing she would get those was if she admitted to Kara she knew the truth already. But then she would run out of excuses. Excuses to keep justifying the fact that she wanted her to feel as hurt as she was.

Flash Back –

Lex and Lena were standing in front of their recent science project, or rather, Lena’s science project. Lex had decided to work with her since no one in her boarding school wanted to team up with her. She had not made efforts to make friends either, but aside from that, Lex was there anyways and that’s what mattered to her.

“This is going to be amazing” – Lex murmured observing the robotic bee in front of him – “We could revolutionize the defense industry with this…”- he added taking the tiny electronic insect between his thumb and index finger.-“ I am still amazed you managed to come up with what could be an artificial intelligence algorithm”- he whispered and flashed her a smile.

Lena felt her chest inflate like a balloon with pride and happiness- “I couldn’t have built it if you wouldn’t have brought me the materials though” – she said.

Lex shook his head and then placed the tiny bee on the desk, he then turned towards Lena and put both hands on her shoulders- “I just have exceptional connections and exceptional nano-soldering skills”

Lena chuckled – “Father still believes you could have been a neurosurgeon with your dexterity”- she whispered blushing slightly from Lex’s compliments.

“Ha!…I could have but then how would we end up working together? Now that you are realizing your potential?” – He said tilting his head towards the robotic bee.

“You are only 17, do you really want to officially start working at Luthor Corp that early?”– Lena asked, remembering the talk they had nights before.

“Oh my, dear sister you surprise me…I thought you believed it was too late”- Lex joked.

“I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, from the business standpoint it is the perfect way for you to gain advantage and experience, to eventually take over…but don’t you want to discover different things…work at a company that is not within the family?” – Lena asked.

Lex shook his head and leaned in to kiss her forehead –“ Within our family dear sister” –

Lena frowned – “It is not actually mine, as mother always reminds me”– she said – “and I still believe you are getting in too soon”-

“It is yours too, it doesn’t matter what mother says…”- Lex contradicted – “And the plan is that I start then you join…that is how it should be…why do I sense you don’t actually want it?”–

Lena sighed and looked at the bee again – “Because I don’t actually want it, I know what people in the boardroom think of me…as Lionel’s bastard…as the unwanted Luthor…I’d rather just leave Lex…”- she said trying to contain the tears that wanted to escape from her eyes.

“Oh I can’t allow that” – Lex said immediately, taking Lena’s face in his hands.- “Luthors don’t cry dear sister…we are stronger than the average human” – he said and Lena sighed, placing her hands on top of his.

“You really scare me when you speak of humans and us as something separate and superior”– Lena said.

Lex shrugged – “We are smarter ... look at what you have just created…we are geniuses above the average human therefore superior…we can improve this world Lena, and we can do it even better if we are together…”

Lena shook her head – “Please don’t say… _we are stronger together_ ” – she whispered.

“Oh but we are” – Lex contradicted.

Lena shook her head and stepped back – “Sometimes I worry how would you look at me if I weren’t a smart as you are”

Lex’s smiled disappeared and looked at her with a serious expression –“Don’t joke like that dear sister, being separated by intellect would be devastating” – he said with a teasing tone but his serious expression remained.

“Elitist” – Lena said pushing him away from her and taking off her white lab coat.

“Elitist of the mind dear sister” – Lex and crossed his arms to then sit on the desk – “But I’m not joking about working together…Lena…everyone needs a partner…even us Luthors who don’t trust on anyone”

“You do trust me?” – Lena said and arched an eyebrow.

Lex nodded – “You are my little sister, I’m supposed to mentor you…and you are supposed to be by my side…even if mother doesn’t like it…together we can revolutionize this world…heck…even discover new worlds”- leaning back and sitting on the desk with his hands placed on the boundaries of the wooden surface.

“Ha!” – Lena exclaimed – “Don’t start talking again about aliens and other planets”

“What?!” – Lex jumped from the desk and looked at her wide eyed – “That’s the final frontier dear sister! Imaging if we managed to discover a populated distant planet with advanced technology…the progress human technology could make…the further up in political power we could get as well…we could start a protocol on how to protect humans from aliens, we could develop advanced weaponry and medicine…Lena don’t even get me started on medicine…and energy”

Lena shook her head and started disconnecting the oscilloscope and soldering machines they had been working with – “I didn’t just hear you say that…all I need to hear now is that you will marry an alien”

Lex’s smile disappeared again- “I’m all open for everything except that, the survival of the human genome of our uniqueness depends on the purity of our genes”

Lena laughed – “Oh wow so no diversity then? What if you find a female alien who could give you super-powered children?”

“What if those super-powered children decided to rule the world?”– Lex asked

“Isn’t that what you want?”– Lena asked incredulous.

“I want humans ruling the world…not aliens! I’m a human nationalist if that’s a thing…I could make that a thing” He said crossing his arms and humming pensive. 

“Yeah yeah…the political power and all”– Lena sighed and shook her head, wondering when would be the time Lex, would just go past that phase of egotistical teenager. 

“I’m going to blame your 13 years old of age for the lack of interest I’m sensing coming off from you at this moment” – Lex said-“Because I have been pretty much offering you to work with me for like a solid hour…while we have been successfully working together…heck! I have been offering you to rule the world with me”

Lena took of her glasses and she yawned-“Calm down dear brother…ruling the world is even above your head and…I don’t think we will ever see aliens in our timeline…let along I don’t think we will find one friendly enough to actually interact with a Luthor…so I don’t think you would end marrying one…I was just joking”

“Lena, dear sister…I don’t even think about marrying a human woman…no one is as smart as I am…I would get bored”

Lena looked at him mortified-“Oh gross!…so what am I? Your replacement?!”

“No dear sister, you are the only one I don’t get bored with…and that’s why even if you don’t want to…you’ll work at LuthorCorp with me…besides there is no time for love…only science!”- he said smiling again.

Lena yawned again and shook her head.-“And what if I don’t want to and I find myself an alien to travel around with?”– she teased, all she wanted to was to discover the world outside the Luthor mansion, the Luthor life…the Luthor name itself. The alien part was just to mortify her brother.

Lex’s smile disappeared for the third time – “I’ll get rid of the alien and drag you with me if I have to”- he said.

Lena sighed and smiled but he didn’t. She felt a bit scared in that moment but then Lex smiled again- “Just joking dear sister…that will never happen”- he said walking towards her again and kissing her forehead and hugging her.

End of Flash Back

_“I’ll get rid of the alien and drag you with me if I have to”_ Lex’s words echoed in Lena’s mind.

If Lena let go Lex would win…maybe he had already won. Maybe Lena should end up that game of hurt and alcohol she had gotten herself into. Be done with it and disappear from Kara’s life.

_Are you ready to let go?_

She chose to get herself more wine instead of letting the more rational part of her brain analyze her situation…and so she drank until she felt asleep.

It was past midnight when Kara returned from the fortress and she softly landed on Lena’s balcony. She noticed her heart was beating as usual as when she slept.

Kara leaned forward and put her hand on the sliding glass door. She couldn’t fully understand what she was going through, and she wished she had more time to figure it out. She wished for the nth time everything wouldn’t be so entangled and that Lena wouldn’t be in the midst of it.

But in all the confusion. Kara still had one constant.

_I’ll always be your friend. I promise._

_You’ll never lose me._

And maybe it was her need to reach back to something that could anchor her. Something different than Alex…something of her choosing.

That she quietly opened the door, closed it behind her and walked in. For a second she worried that the door had not been locked and no alarm got activated but then she realized that would have made her look like a creep, so instead thanked her luck. 

Lena had fallen asleep still holding her glass of wine, so Kara kneeled in front of her and carefully removed it from her hand and then froze, getting scared when Lena turned towards her.

Kara held her breath afraid she would wake up and find her there.

Lena didn’t wake up but Kara kept holding her breath. Observing Lena sleeping, wearing her MIT hoodie, without make-up, as if she were not the powerful CEO she usually portrayed, brought tears to Kara’s eyes. Lena was there and it was as if she was far away from her reach…and Kara just wanted to protect her…take care of her.

Without realizing Kara had reached out, her hand touching a rebel strand of wavy hair in front of Lena’s face. She tucked it behind Lena’s ear. Lena barely moved at the contact.

Kara stood up and turned away ready to leave, but she couldn’t. She closed her eyes and turned around again.

Maybe she was selfish and didn’t want to be alone.

Maybe she just wanted to be there…with Lena for that night.

Maybe it was both.

So she adjusted on the floor, and crossed her arms on the small area of the couch that was not occupied by Lena’s legs. She rested her head on her arms and felt asleep listening to Lena’s heartbeat.


	4. Identity Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara got scared she had crossed a boundary with Lena but then her eyes zeroed comically on Lena’s extended finger which was carefully pushing Kara’s glasses up the bridge of her nose.  
> “It’s okay” Lena whispered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back in orbit guys!  
> So sorry for the long hiatus! School and life got in the way!  
> I hope you still follow the story and that you enjoy this chapter.  
> We are getting closer to the turning point in the story.  
> Over and Out!

“Is this okay?” Kara asked in a whisper after taking Lena’s hand, Lena just looked at her with her breath caught in her throat.

  
Touch

That was a foreign concept for Lena.

“Yeah”

Kara smiled and briefly looked at the floor, then adjusted her glasses with her free hand and stepped a bit closer to Lena.

The brunette leaned backwards feeling the need to run away.

Kara looked at her again and then took her other hand.

“Is this okay?” She asked again

Lena just blinked.

Kara observed her and squeezed her hands softly. She could remember how terrified she felt during her panic attacks and she could see in Lena a similar expression masked with the strength of her gaze.

“Yeah” – Lena was able to say and squeezed back.

Kara smiled and looked at their joined hands and her glasses slid down the bridge of her nose at the action.

Lena just observed her in silence trying to normalize the fact that someone had managed to crack a little the walls she had so carefully built all these years.

No one touched her if it didn’t lead to some sort of sexual encounter, and even then the touch was not affectionate.

Yet, there she was, standing in front of Kara, holding hands and Kara looking at their hands as if she were afraid to be holding her too tightly.

Lena was brave, so she controlled the anxiety attack that was threatening to surface, and instead let go of one of Kara’s hands and adjusted her glasses.

Kara got scared she had crossed a boundary with Lena but then her eyes zeroed comically on Lena’s extended finger which was carefully pushing Kara’s glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“It’s okay” Lena whispered

Kara looked at Lena again considering what to say. Because her intuition and the short time she had known Lena, told her in her heart that Lena was making a physical and emotional effort at that moment. Kara didn’t take it lightly. She more than anyone knew the effects of anxiety.

“Would you tell me if it’s too much?” Kara asked instead.

In that moment Lena knew that their dynamic had shifted slightly, and Kara was not making it a topic that had to be discussed. Instead, she was reacting as if not being used to being touch as a way of showing affection was something normal. At that conclusion, Lena had to take a deep breath again, surprised by the intuitiveness of Kara, but mostly by her carefulness.

“Would you tell me if it’s not enough?” Lena answered and it was Kara’s turn to observe her surprised.

Lena took another deep breath and waited for Kara to say something, because she had just given her permission to touch her, but she didn’t want to make Kara feel as if she was the only one trying to reach out in the friendship they seemed to be building. Because even if they only knew each other for two months, during that time Lena was able to sense Kara’s impulses to hug her and more than once she had caught her recoiling a hug and pretended, she didn’t see it. Lena didn’t ask Kara why she needed to be so tactile with people, but she could sense that behind Kara’s signature bright smile there was an undying need to feel close to people, and Lena was just taken aback that one of the many people Kara wanted to be close to was her.

“I…I…it’s” Kara couldn’t find words to answer her. It was the first timer someone considered her need for physical affection in that way.

Lena felt a bit braver, maybe taking a bit of braveness from Kara’s nervous state. “I don’t want to take more than what you are willing to give” Lena explained and couldn’t help the blush that accompanied her words.

“More than what…” Kara repeated looking at her with wide eyes and Lena couldn’t perceive whether Kara was offended or even more surprised.

Kara was offended and made the mental note to never let Lillian get close to Lena.

Because Kara loved showing people that she cared. Kara thrived in giving affection and when she had Lena in front of her, it was as if her body unconsciously knew that Lena had never experienced a good, honest to Rao affectionate friendship with anyone.

“R..God, Lena…If you need a fluffy comforter so you could wrap it around you, I would become one” Kara blurted out in her desperate attempt to put in words how offended she felt, she must have known it would backfire, as it always did.  
Lena’s eyebrows raised in surprise and Kara immediately let go of her hands and used her own to cover her mouth. “Forget I said anything” Kara said while her voice got muffled by her hands.

“That was so inappropriate” Kara added walking backwards, hands still over her mouth.  
Lena opened her mouth to reply but she wasn’t sure a reply even existed for that. However, she felt a warm feeling spreading in her heart.

“We just met…I mean, not today…but not long ago and I just…” Kara continued while she kept walking backwards. “You look as if you need a hug…lots of hugs…and” Kara shook her head. “That’s not…that came out wrong actually”

Lena shook her head and raised her hands trying to approach her to tell her not to worry and to also stop her from hitting the coat hanger behind her.

“Lena, I’m so sorry I said that” Kara said, finally taking away her hands from her mouth.

“No, I mean…careful with...”

“What?” “oh...” The coat hanger fell on the floor bringing with it Lena’s expensive coat, her designer bag and her car keys.

Kara sighed frustrated with herself and immediately bent on her knees to pick up everything. But two pale hands stopped her. Kara didn’t dare to look up at Lena, she was way too embarrassed. Instead she concentrated on Lena’s hands holding hers, noticing that they were cold. She couldn’t help it and closed her hands around Lena’s.

Lena smiled softly. “I always had cold hands”

“Mine are always warm” Kara said.

They remained silent for a couple of seconds. Lena was contemplating what to say and Kara was trying to find the best way to apologize without messing up more.

“You must think I’m a clingy needy person” Kara said, deciding to confront the situation while blushing furiously.

Now Lena was offended.

“I couldn’t think that of you” Lena said, her voice firm. “I think you are brave, for wanting to be closer to me…like a friend…when probably people around you do not approve.” She paused to give Kara the opportunity to interrupt her, when she didn’t, Lena continued. “I have learnt that in the face of adversity it is important to be brave, but…it is really difficult to be brave when the ones you care about do not agree with you”

At that, Kara had to look at her. Lena’s eyes looked back at her unwavering but with an added layer of emotion that wasn’t there before.  
Kara knew that emotion better than anyone. It was affection.

In that instant, Kara knew Lena Luthor was beginning to consider her a friend. Because maybe Lena didn’t know that Kara had believed in her even before they started this friendship. But regardless, Kara had needed to hear those words when she was trying to convince Alex and Clark that Lena was not like her family.  
Lena smiled when Kara remained silent and raised to her feet. Kara followed her without letting go of her hands, instead she held them to help Lena keep her balance as she got back to her feet on her impossible high heels.

In that moment Lena’s laptop rang with the usual conference call ringtone. They separated their hands and stepped in opposite directions.

“That’s probably my 2 o’clock” Lena said.

“Right…I’ll leave you to it” Kara reached for the doorknob while Lena went back to sit behind her desk.

Kara took a deep breath and stopped with her hand on the doorknob, keeping the door half open. She turned around and found Lena observing her.

“For the record, I think you are brave too” she said.

“Go on then, brave one” Lena teased her, and Kara smiled back, blushing a bit more.

End of Flashback

“Supergirl?”

“Supergirl!” Alex’s voice rang through her memories and Kara opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep during Alex’s security briefing.  
Kara jumped on her and stood up. “oh..sorry I…sorry” she apologized and tried to look unaffected by the looks the other agents were sending her. “I feel tired, I think I’ll go rest” she excused herself and left the conference room.  
She rubbed her eyes with her hands trying to shake off the sleepiness, but she couldn’t. It was strange, she never felt this tired before, not when all she had done all day was attend security briefings. National City had been calm that morning. No big crimes but the usual car accidents that Kara was able to successfully stop from happening.

“The worry is keeping you awake at night, isn’t it?” Alex said and Kara turned around, she didn’t even hear her sister’s footsteps.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked and straightened her posture, trying to look less…well…drained.

“I mean that this dance between you and Lena has to end” Alex said and grabbed her by the elbow to guide her to their usual training room.  
Kara put her hands on her hips defensively. “Things will be okay” she said, but those words didn’t even feel real anymore.

“No they won’t Kara, because it was cute and funny, when you started trying to be friends with her again as Supergirl” “You eating Kale and all” “But time has passed Kara, and I know she is keeping you at bay” Alex said crossing her arms and looking her serious.

“She is not!”

“If she weren’t you wouldn’t look so devastated!”

“She needs time and I just have to-“

“You have to tell her the truth” Alex cut her off and started to walk around her. Kara was now sure, that Alex was actually performing an intervention. “It’s draining you and it’s probably draining her too”

“I…I’m fine…and she is not….I’m not draining her…what makes you think that?” Kara said micking Alex and crossing her arms.  
Alex sighed and put a hand on her right shoulder, Kara observed carefully. She was tired but she could still recognize Alex’s soft expression and sad eyes, that was the face she always gave her before telling her something was awfully wrong.

“I think…no, I’m sure she already knows” Alex wishpered slowly, as if afraid Kara would flip out.

Kara flipped out.

“She most certainly doesn’t!” She exclaimed stepping away from Alex.

Alex shook her head. “I have been suspecting it since she let you have those weird dinners with her! She fed you kale Kara! Why would she give kale to Supergirl?! She is a genius, she must know Supergirl burns more calories that a normal human being! And she was already friends with you! She helped us defeat Lex, she believed in your innocence even when the rest of the people didn’t! And then she retracted suddenly! Don’t you see it?!”

“Alex…you…Lena kept coming to game nights!” Kara defended.

“Lena only came to one game night after Lex’s death, Kara….we had five since then” Alex said softly again.

“Of course! She was mourning!” Kara insisted.

“All alone?” Alex asked “Because you have been so worried to be close to her as Supergirl that you didn’t notice, Lena stopped spending time with Kara Danvers, Lena doesn’t even answer my calls anymore, I have to track her down to be able to even communicate with her, she doesn’t even talk to Brainy anymore…”

“Lena is always busy…” Kara whispered, her argument getting weaker as her voice. It couldn’t be.  
Alex walked up to her again and took her hands in her. “Lena always found time, for you, for me…for all of us…before, now she doesn’t…she is pushing us away Kara, and she is doing it because she already knows, even if you-“

“Lena wouldn’t lie to me like that” Kara fought back with a renewed strength. “She wouldn’t” She repeated stepping back.  
Alex took another deep breath before answering, and this time Kara knew…was sure…she didn’t want to hear the answer.

“She would if Lex told her the truth”

Kara clenched her fists. “He didn’t” She said her voice cold.  
Alex observed her again and then walked to her again. She could recognize the anger in Kara’s stance. She could even feel her body partially vibrating. “You need to tell her the truth Kara”

“I need time” Kara answered.

“Kar-“

“I need time, Alex!” Kara exclaimed and this time Alex backed off, because it was the first time in many months she saw deep pain in Kara’s eyes.  
Kara saw Alex retreating surprised and she grew scared. “I’m sorry” she apologized immediately. “I just…need...time…” she repeated and then she felt like breaking.

Alex literally ran to her and hugged her. “Hey…sis, what’s wrong?” she asked deeply concerned.

“If she knows…if she really knows, then she is tolerating Supergirl because she cared about Kara Danvers” Kara said and tears started running down her cheeks.

“Or she went Luthor mode and is planning world domination” Alex thought but she wasn’t even going to say it fearing Kara’s reaction. As far as she was concerned, she wanted to kick Lena’s ass for hurting Kara. But that would hurt Kara even more, so she tried to remain as neutral as possible.

“Do you get it Alex? If I tell her, she will want answers…she will want to know why I lied to her…she will want to know which was real, Kara Danvers or Supergirl…and I don’t know…I can’t give her an answer right now Alex, I truly can’t…”

“Hey…wait a second, calm down” Alex said and tightened the hug.

Kara broke the hug to turn around while wiping her face with her sleeves. “I…what happened with Lex just…how people would believe that I would betray them? I have…I have almost died when Reign wanted to kill everyone…I have almost died many times to save them and then Lex comes in and just like that…all the good things I did….everything vanished and I became the enemy of the state!”

“Kara Zor-El, Kara from Krypton wouldn’t have tolerated it…Kara Danvers was forced to understand it, and Supergirl….Supergirl had to keep protecting people” she said and felt tired again. “Supergirl saved everyone at the end of the day yet I lose Lena”  
Alex opened her mouth trying to say something, but Kara cut her off. “Am I suppose to expect people to stop believing in me as soon as an impostor arrives? Am I suppose to always be the understanding one?”

“The people in this city admire you, but they…they still fear you” Alex answered, and Kara could see the honesty and pain in her expression.

“Meanwhile, Kara Danvers is always happy, always playing a dumb down version of Kara Zor-El” Kara said and shook her head.

“But…Kara, I…you still love your job, right?” Alex asked cautiously.

“Of course, I do!” Kara contradicted her. “But I…it feels that to fit in I have to be stuck in one version of myself…Kara Danvers’s version…because Supergirl will be loved but feared…and Kara Zor-El…Kara Zor-El feels like fading…”

Kara had been looking at the floor during her monologue. So she looked back at Alex. “I miss Kara Zor-El, Alex…I…I rejected that part of me because of what my parents did in Krypton, but the truth is that I miss the person Kara Zor-El could have been…” “My father wasn’t perfect…but he tried…and even though mom is proud of me…I can’t shake the feeling that Astra was right when she said I was wasting my potential…sometimes I have even wondered if the path I have chosen with Supergirl is what my father would have wanted…if it was what I truly have wanted…”

“What do you want to do Kara?” Alex asked and Kara looked at her surprised. Alex smiled “I told you I would be there for you always, didn’t I?” she said. “So what do you want to do? We will do it”

Kara took a deep breath “I want to stop being Supergirl…for now” she finally said the idea that had been plaguing her mind.

Alex nodded and smiled at her. “Then stop, National City won’t fall of the surface of the Earth if you do, humans have survived without Supergirl….they can survive if you stop being her…you never…and believe it…you don’t owe us anything…and if you want to be Supergirl again…then it’s your decision…it must be your decision”

"What about Lena?" Kara asked and Alex stopped smiling. 

"Well that's something...that we will have to think about and well...have a bit of hope the Luthor genes won't kick in just yet" 

"Alex" - Kara warned. 

"I'm sorry...I'm not making fun of her...it's just sometimes well...she can be intimidating when she gets mad" Alex admitted (or she might start world domination - she didn't say that out loud)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello People in Orbit,  
> Thanks for giving this idea a try! Let me know what you think and I hope to write to you soon!  
> Over and Out!


End file.
